I haven't forgotten about you guys, don't worry. Stressful month so far, and all. Just remember, I didn't do Insert Humor this time last year. This literally is the busiest time of the year for me. Today I went to the mall, completely forgetting it was Black Friday, and still ended up spending all of the money in my wallet on three games, one of which was Shadow of the Colossus for PS2, but I'll get to that in a second. I also got the Assassin's Creed movie, which I'm really looking forward to watching because AC Revelations just came out, and it's going to be my entire life in a few months. But first I need a console that's not a Wii.
Anyways, Black Friday Shopping.
I'm not one who would really spend a lot of money on games, more like just half of it. Half of my money, that is. But it was a buy 2 get 1 free sale, which I guess happens more than I remember. But whenever I hear that, my first instinct is to find two iffy games and a really cheap good one. The iffy games were the First Kingdom Hearts (which is far from iffy, it's just really effing hard compared to the first one), and Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles for the Wii (which I didn't realize until after I bought it was a Rail Shooter. Which I hate.). It should keep me busy for a while, especially after I trade in Resident Evil and get my money back and buy a good game with it.
The GOOD game I bought was Shadow of the Colossus. And good God am I confused. There's a 5 minute cutscene before the title screen, then a 20 minute cutscene where no one speaks a word of English AT ALL, then that's subsequently followed by 45 minutes of "Where the Hell do I go?" After you eventually figure that the sword works as the world's worst compass, you start riding a horse at a really slow speed straight forward for about another 5 minutes. Then you spend about 5 minutes trying to figure out the crazy climbing mechanics of the game and the almost evil jumping controls, you find yourself at the top of a giant cliff. Then you turn your head really slowly to the left, and this giant 80-foot tall hairy thing wearing stone armor swings a hammer at your head and you fall to the bottom of the cliff. Guess what? 5 more minutes of climbing back up again.
Once you finally figure out that you're supposed to knock the thing over so you can climb up its arm, you try stabbing it in the leg. Then it's health goes down a little tiny bit and you get so excited. Then after you stab it in the leg over and over again and it doesn't move anymore, you kinda figure it's time to start climbing the arm. Then, the instant before you finally grab onto it's hammer club thing, he lifts it up, and slams it down on your head again. It's about this time that you start to wonder if the remaining 12 boss fights in the game are going to be just as hard. It was about now that I started to wonder if this was going to be a 10-hour game like MGS2. If all you do is run around a wasteland for a few minutes between a 45-minute boss fight (most of which is just the sheer confusion of HOW to kill it), it doesn't seem like a very long game. Maybe I'll eventually get to go into a dungeon or something. Maybe do some more jumping puzzles between the hour-long boss battles that I'm surely going to run into eventually.
So no, I didn't beat the first boss yet. In fact, I'm not sure if I will by the end of the month. If most of the game is just "what the hell do I do now?" then I don't really think it's gonna last very long before I sell it on eBay for a couple hundred dollars to some dumbass collector.
Anyways,
Lane Oakes